Written by Kim | 05 June 2010
Posted in Relationships

An article I read recently about turning loneliness into a deeper connection inspired some thoughts on how I view the differences of being alone and feeling alone.  What are the ways that you connect to others, the author asks?

I am blessed with many good friends, a loving husband and a supportive family.  I treasure their warmth and caring as well as the conversations we engage in.  I still treasure my alone time and prefer to look at it as solitude by choice and sometimes by necessity.  I use the time for reflection, self care and rest.  The relationships we develop and grow are a huge interest to me.  This is why I've turned from a career in pharmacy to one of coaching because I wanted to elevate my interactions with people to a deeper level.

For me, the biggest blocker to connecting to people is harboring a general fear of people and allowing sabotaging self talk to undermine the intentions of others.  The more I view others as warm, caring and accepting the easier it is for me to initiate the interactions and grow the connection.  On the flip side, the more I envision others to be hostile or ambivalent, the more I shy away from getting to know them and loneliness ensues. 

The relationships I build are based on a genuine curiosity and concern for each other.  I try to create a balance of really listening (to the words and what's behind the words), sharing of myself with stories or opinion and of course making time to have fun together.  When it feels off balance and I value the relationship, ideally I increase my awareness to where the void might be and make appropriate changes within myself or ask the other for collaboration on how our connection could be better.

Written by Chelsea | 28 May 2010
Posted in Dating

Written by Kim | 06 May 2010
Posted in Across Borders

Written by Chelsea | 24 April 2010
Posted in Communication

Recently I had a fun night out with friends, there was a small group of us, so the conversation bounced from person to person and included much laughter and wit.  There was a nice flow to the conversation as people shared personal anecdotes and passing insights. This fluidity came to a halt as one member of the group started in on a story that was very complicated and came with an immense amount of back-story.  The story went on and on and one by one people began to check-out of the ensuing conversation.  First out comes the smart phones to play with, then the glazed eyes and finally no response whatsoever, even to parts that were particularly humorous or entertaining.  By taking so long to tell this story he lost the interest of the other members of the group, disrupting the established flow.

This has happened to me when I have been the story-teller, so wrapped up in my own point to see that I had lost my listeners, and when I look around and realize that no one is really paying attention anymore, it is a deflating feeling.

Here are some suggestions to avoid this all too common conversation stopper.  

• Stories of length should be edited for your audience, take out any details that are nonessential to the story.  The larger the group, the faster you need to cut to the chase.
• Watch the body language of others around you; people are giving nonverbal clues of their lack of interest.  A big one is looking at anything other than you -- their watch, phone or around the room.
• If you find yourself to be on the receiving of a long-winded orator it's okay to say something.  Keep it good-natured and direct, chances are they aren't even aware they have lost their audience.